whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
