Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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