I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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