Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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