Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
