I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
