A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
