you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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