guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
