through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
