i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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