I can text with my tongue
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
