I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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