I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
