I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
