YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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