Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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