Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
COCAINE IS GR8
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
