My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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