Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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