Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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