planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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