what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
