So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
