his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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