Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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