We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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