If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
