I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
