I think I just saw someone hide a body.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're a waste of cheezeits
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
