I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
