Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
