Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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