The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
