every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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