Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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