Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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