So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
