im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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