ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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