so explain again why im purple
no
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
