yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
