What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
