I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Found the puke drawer
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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