you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
