Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
