oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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