just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
