Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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