champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
