No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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