im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
