Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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